It’s been ages since I last posted anything and I think it’s worth noting how far I am come. Nine months ago, I was insecure about my future and I had been seeking a path to a career that was foreseeably stable; something that would hold my interest. I had just been fired from a frozen yogurt shop and called “incompetent” by the owner. It took nearly two months for me to find work again however an interaction with an employee there set me on the road back to school and now one semester into a Paralegal Studies degree. I have been working at a law firm, answering phones, for nine months and I love where I work. I love what I am learning. I did not come to where I am alone though. I did it with the strength and aid of Jesus Christ.
When I was in my late teens, I encountered the Holy Spirit for the first time when I was invited to attend the youth group at the River of Life Church. I had been raise Catholic and confirmed but never really felt much connection to God, until then. Not to say that Catholicism cannot work for anyone but, for me, I felt for the first time that Christ was truly alive in worshipping through song and dance. I remember the joy and fellowship I found there, as the worship team played “God is Great” by Hillsongs United. I wanted to live for Jesus and follow his rules and like all humans do, I eventually failed.
I got lost in college. I thought I was unredeemable after I had sex for the first time. I sunk into an abyss of self-loathing when I had not one but two abortions. In my mindset of being hell-bent on self-destruction, I became an exotic dancer. I had sunk so low in my self-image that I believes there was nothing else valuable about me, save for my appearance. I struggled with anorexia, to varying levels, at that time, and flirted with alcoholism. I dropped out of school and went to live with a boyfriend. I did want to marry him at one time but I eventually cheated on him because I did not know how to express what I needed in the relationship.
For six years, I have been in a relationship with a man that I had the affair with and that has been a roller coaster ride. He has bipolar disorder and until recently had not been receiving medical attention. There was some verbal, emotional and, at times, physical abuse. It was not until I moved half an hour away that he decided to make an appointment with a doctor and get the help that he needed.
In the time that I had been with him, however, I grew a great deal. God allowed him to be able to facilitate me starting a new career and life path. For that I am grateful. At the time I did not know what I felt for him, telling me that I could no longer continue working in clubs and that if I wanted to I would not be allowed to use his vehicle, which is all I had to drive at the time. I believe that though we stumble and fall, I am one of the fortunate ones who got to learn that I needed Jesus in my life and why.